bar-tending a heart

a shot please 
                        – was all that she requested
her hand waiting on that glass full of forgetting
instead your arrow went         right       through 
first her                                        left                        lung
               you didn’t stop there                                         no
her index was split in two as she pointed at your bow questioning
her eyebrow was arched into place by another shot
you stained her solar plexus too

                                       ↑
even her knee fell ←out→ of place
                                       ↓
you kept aiming          
                                  firing
                                                                    wounding 

until her shadow was heaving on the floor 

               and all that you could hear was her heart 

in love 
                                                       falling

of all the things… You

I am in love. I have been in love many times before… Is it tastier now? Brighter, redder, heavier? Are the lights off? Can I feel anything but you while I bruise my knees in the dark? Do I trust you…       more…        less than..

Will I have the courage to be happy? Finally let go of all the definitions that I impose on love, on you? You don’t deserve labels and yet it comes so naturally. So much easier to look at you and redefine you based on my needs as a human. How fair is that to you, my darling? How fair is it really? You are undefinable. You look at me with such devotion and I, sometimes, still doubt it. How fair is that to you? I allow the past to poke me and feed my ego with breadcrumbs. And I… I always end up feeling hungry.                                   Who can survive on breadcrumbs? 

I want the present … full of all there is of you… of your smile that draws air out of the room; of the way your eyes reflect all the light around me; of your mouth that seems to eat my soul in small pieces at a time and leaves me bleeding with a hint of pain; of time surrounded by your presence; of bites and growls and moans and sighs and breath. I want to live you in parallel universes. 

Yesterday… at one past midnight you whispered that you loved all versions of me: the one that cries and is scared of telling you her wants; the one that builds walls you have to climb to get a peek of her brow; the one that laughs with you until her toes tickle; the one that reveals for you the love of the moon even when the sky is a black hole; the one that loves to taste your fluids; the one with stars in her eyes; the one that… the one… you just love… 

Sometimes I wonder what you want from me and you answer as if you knew all that I wanted to give. Everything, you say… 

And I smile with pleasure because I can only give everything to the one who doesn’t hesitate to ask for its existence. 

Does it scare you when I try my best, when I try my worst…when nothing seems to matter and everything is important? Does it scare you when I lose control and become a disgrace to humanity? When I dance wildly and expect my limbs to rise me to the ether? Does it scare you when I speak of taking flight on dragons in other dimensions? Does anything scare you, my darling? Losing you, you say… 

There is no losing me, you see…. I have always been here… in all of space… 

And I breathe…

                      I breathe you…

                                           I breathe you all…