bar-tending a heart

a shot please 
                        – was all that she requested
her hand waiting on that glass full of forgetting
instead your arrow went         right       through 
first her                                        left                        lung
               you didn’t stop there                                         no
her index was split in two as she pointed at your bow questioning
her eyebrow was arched into place by another shot
you stained her solar plexus too

                                       ↑
even her knee fell ←out→ of place
                                       ↓
you kept aiming          
                                  firing
                                                                    wounding 

until her shadow was heaving on the floor 

               and all that you could hear was her heart 

in love 
                                                       falling

cracked polaroid

did you think I wouldn’t notice
the cracks        scratches              broken buttons

I tried to use it
only to find everything hazy and unrecognizable

 

                                   why 

can’t we fix it
don’t we have any memory of it saved                            somewhere

at least we’ll remember

most of it comes out to be
åÏΤëΓ↡∅Πš of what it truly is                       anyhow

but what is it truly?

are we looking at what we want to see
or what it really is

what is it truly?
at last we             re m emb   e          r 

angry poltergeists

I am listening to your intentional typing
noticing your knitted eyebrows 
feeling a ghost’s caress on my lower back
a knock on the ceiling 

I hear the train in your neurons                      d
transporting thoughts that cause         a c c i    e n   s
                                                                                        t
in the space between you and everything 
else and           me

The ghost smiling as he traces my shoulder now
while you deliver your cargo of worries
and leave me by the streetlight 
h o l d i n g on to my shadow 

You return on the same train
with the same shipment              the air smelling of 
exhaust             tousled hair                  misplaced eyes
              disjointed soul             a knowing smile   
                                                                                    dexterous fingers

    Will you caress my lower back now?

I taste

of things that have no illusions 
                                                       of existing
infinite lights 
of cats and breath
of the past that holds on to tissue in
             illnesses

of heat             yes!      heat       that
comes from the center of somewhere or 
existed              all along          it 
was only waiting for June

of fabrications in my head
that laughter gives        a w a y
of teeth nibbling on cheese
of fish once a week

of loving          of harsh
     words               words

of waiting for the next one yes
                                                                       the next one
the next one
                                                      the                                          next
and not waiting at all

of Spanish words that Saturn can hear
of the dance where I am led                where I lead
               of my mother’s birth 
               of my father’s death

of a few countries and their cathedrals 
of the pain of others    and 
             their wrinkles revering the sun
of rainbows and darkness

of dust and chemicals 
of seemingly filtered water
and piano songs floating away on rafts
made up of tears and overthinking

of prehistoric cells ready for goodbyes            and 
new ones too that want to abandon this             (human)
ship and create elsewhere

of love un(conditional) 

              you 

I wonder what your tongue claims                      …

ice crystals

drop 

             drop             drop
do you remember that time when 
we touched the sky
the smile in your eyes
and the grin that touched my earrings

don’t you also remember how 
                           we        s l o w l y           started to practice loneliness 
keeping to our rooms
             when the cold stowed us inside 

all         of          a           sudden the icicles 
on our cheeks and the          s           l           o           w 
fade of rapture made us into statues
unable to move            or        unwilling to try

and like this we remained all
winter               yearning for the sound of birds
gradually thawing until only I remained in 
the now tepid room full of your shadows

I took the first step       shaking off 
all the melted water, all the ice, all the past             ready
to walk into Spring alone once more 
                           only
to find you waiting so we could go our separate ways 
                                                                                                   
                                                          t  o  g  e  th  e  r 

about a tree

Sprouted I did                           !
I heard that I was needed some         where
and  decided to walk there
only to find myself firmly rooted 

to a girl with branches
in a land of dust and questions
where silence is the last desire
and the first at times

when there is nothing else but the
wait for that ray of sunshine that 
will bring hope to the girl’s eyes
the one with the branches

                                                       and the dust

                                                             and the questions

 

rain

ritual of purification

Uplifted and                            

                        brought down
plummeting

                    like

                                a fallen

                                             angel

and bam!     bam!bam!                 STOP!

            bam!   bam!                                        bam!

bruises and cuts

Did I say just bruises and cuts
there was the blood         too
all       over       the         pavement             and grass             and windowpanes
did you taste the splatter

I bit my tongue
to stop the s c r e a m i n g
death feels so certain when
your reflection quickens onthesideofbuildings
and you hope for those wings
push them out with all your might
only to               (inhale)

and bam!

                              I forgave you