a long while long

It has been a while since I visited this space
this phrase
this taste
that lingers on my hands that use it all
the invisible
the unlivable
that takes bites at my heart and the left ear
prickly pear
morning prayer
I mutter and scream regardless of life
who dies
advise
please advise on the nature of joy
of Troy
of God:
am I you or you I in this quest we call birth
we observe
and prefer
we emerge
and reverse
we occur
and we flirt
with the time that revolves in the quietest of rooms
don’t you wait! fill your womb
with the now and the myths
don’t you wait now! fill it with…

pinocchio

they are the rocks

that the quarry never answered

              (waitingforajoke)

or the                                       big bang

they are the dreams              

taking over my matter while you found

                                                                         the dungeon

                                        I keep them all in

it is the whale swallowing the wooden kid

δε∀†h                 θþξη                   ƒσΓ discussion

1 eye closed

I saw ½ the world
inventing          treasures                                     as I went
filling in the  ______________          with projections
and children      playing           tic tac toe

missing people I could only hear                         or
sense from what seemed a galaxy elsewhere
they were just a few s          s                  away
                                         t    p
                                           e
not quite guiding my path with their shadows

a matter of pain and source:
                                               ³trust those shadows on my right
                 ²turn my head all the way and                                    at last
view the whole world
                      ¹open my one eye closed and

glimpse                            catch                        SΕΕ
                                                                              ↓
that the shadows are the same on all   → sides ←
                                                                              ↑
and the world experiences                          more
                       than I allowed myself 
and my now open eye needs practice to love all
                                                                                        that IS

crazy means…

To look up at a cloudy sky
and feel the sun
to notice the stains on the carpeted bus 
              and live every drop of juice               every
fingerprint on the A/C vent                  every
                             crumb left on the seat
to look at your                                           face after so long
               and feel that I know you so little
to look at your                face       after so little 
              and feel that I’ve known           you so long

to board the prolific ship of my imagination without a pass 
to drive through mountains looking over precipices and 
feel my body fall and
                                        arrive safely each 
                                                                                               time
to step and
                            step and
                                                                step or
                                                      dive                into the everything 
into the nothing
                                         to love you with conditions and
unconditionally hurt you
                                                                           as I howl
to accept it all as is 
to trust as I am suspended and
the ocean takes             me                     ∇                and      out

 

cracked polaroid

did you think I wouldn’t notice
the cracks        scratches              broken buttons

I tried to use it
only to find everything hazy and unrecognizable

 

                                   why 

can’t we fix it
don’t we have any memory of it saved                            somewhere

at least we’ll remember

most of it comes out to be
åÏΤëΓ↡∅Πš of what it truly is                       anyhow

but what is it truly?

are we looking at what we want to see
or what it really is

what is it truly?
at last we             re m emb   e          r 

of dinners and poisons

I had drinks with my skin one night
and we cheered to our scars
to the slices 
       of flesh
                 that almost seem to make a meal 
how would you like that?
        rare
    certainly rare 
so that I can taste the iron in it
                                   and the future 
and old viruses that never became 
                          and all those paper cuts
they made me go ssssssss while I inhaled
               and maybe suck a drop or two of red

One drink turned into alcohol poisoning
and my skin 
                      ah, my skin
        felt like prunes while it drowned and
sandpaper and                 and                         betrayed
         betrayed like my flesh
                                             like the iron that could have built statues
betrayed like the future sitting on a rocking chair
almost f
              a
              l
              l
              i
              n
              g                                   apart 

               betrayed like the viruses that had hoped to find a home on a
         floor of some lung
and those paper cuts (betrayed betrayed betrayed)
                                   that wanted to wake me up from my slumber 

We ended up in a tomb
                                      my skin and I 
(drinking to dust)

ice crystals

drop 

             drop             drop
do you remember that time when 
we touched the sky
the smile in your eyes
and the grin that touched my earrings

don’t you also remember how 
                           we        s l o w l y           started to practice loneliness 
keeping to our rooms
             when the cold stowed us inside 

all         of          a           sudden the icicles 
on our cheeks and the          s           l           o           w 
fade of rapture made us into statues
unable to move            or        unwilling to try

and like this we remained all
winter               yearning for the sound of birds
gradually thawing until only I remained in 
the now tepid room full of your shadows

I took the first step       shaking off 
all the melted water, all the ice, all the past             ready
to walk into Spring alone once more 
                           only
to find you waiting so we could go our separate ways 
                                                                                                   
                                                          t  o  g  e  th  e  r